


The Breakfast Brunch... with a twist ;)

by rmaj



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Victorious (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:15:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29014950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmaj/pseuds/rmaj
Summary: The Marauders and the girls are serving all day detention with a strict DADA Professor, who we’ll call Mr. Crawford. All characters belong to JKR except for the Professor, who is my OC (plz don’t use him without my permission), and almost all lines are from Victorious: S3 Ep2 The Breakfast Brunch. In this fic they are set in the 6th year.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 6





	The Breakfast Brunch... with a twist ;)

**Marauders and the girls: *near the DADA classroom***

**Dorcas:** “Well, this is a great way to spend a Saturday.”

 **Mary:** “I have _never_ had detention before!”

 **Peter:** “I’m, kinda nervous.”

 **Sirius:** “If you hadn’t made us late for class we wouldn’t be here.”

 **Peter:** “I was choking on a pretzel!”

 **Sirius:** “Well why do you always have to be choking on something?”

 **Remus:** “Oh give him a break.”

 **Lily:** “Yeah, it’s not Peter's fault he has a petite throat.”

 **Peter:** “It’s average!”

 **James:** “Ha!”

 **Mary:** “K, who’s in charge of detention anyway?”

 **Dorcas:** “Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor-”

 **Marlene:** “Crawford.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Morning waz bags!”

 **Marauders and the girls:** “...”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Detention is right here! In the classroom! Get ready for the worst day of your lives.”

 **James:** “Yay! We’re in school on a Saturday!”

 **Sirius and James:** **_*laughs*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** “Classroom!”

 **Sirius and James:** **_*stop laughing*_ **

**Everyone:** **_*enters classroom*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** **_*after everyone settled down*_ ** “Well, well. It’s 7:06 AM here in Scotland. That means in Australia it’s yesterday! Or tomorrow...”

 **James:** “You know, in Australia, when you flush the toilet, the water swirls backwards!”

 **Mr. Crawford:** **_*turns to James*_ ** “Put a sock in it, glasses!” **_*turns back to everyone else*_ **“You clowns, are gonna sit here, all day, and think about why you’re in detention!”

 **Sirius: *** **_spits out gum so it falls in the trash perfectly*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** ** _*holds up box*_** “Now, wands! Let’s have them.”

 **Dorcas:** “Why?”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Because in detention there is no magic used!”

 **Sirius:** “What about Charms?”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “No!”

 **Marlene:** “Transfiguration?”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “NO!” 

**James:** “Can we play Wizard's chess?!”

 **Peter:** “I love Wizards chess!”

 **Remus:** “I can’t ever seem to beat Lily.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** **_*turns to Remus*_ ** “Zip it corn pie!”

 **Sirius:** “Can we have corn pie?”

 **Mr. Crawford:** **_*turns to Sirius*_ ** “Shut up!” **_*turns back to everyone*_ ** “Wands!”

**_*They all give their wands*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** “Now! I’m gonna put your box of wands, RIGHT HERE!” **_*puts them on his desk which is charmed so nobody can touch it*_**

 **Mary:** **_*raises hand*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** “What, princess?”

 **Mary:** “I was just wondering what the plan is for lunch.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Well if you pre-turns get hungry,” **_*points to his desk*_ ** “there’s a big plate of tuna, right here!”

 **Remus:** “Um, technically Sir, if perishable foods aren’t kept at either below 34 degrees or above 140 degrees-”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Pipe down side salad!”

 **Everyone:** “...”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Eat the tuna or starve, I could care less!”

 **James:** “Um, I think you mean you _couldn’t_ care less.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “What’s that?”

 **Dorcas:** “You said you could care less.”

 **Lily:** “Which implies that you _do_ care, at least a, little bit.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “I don’t!”

 **James:** “Well then you should’ve said, you couldn’t care less.”

 **Marlene:** “But you did not.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “...”

 **Sirius:** “Hey, what about the guy who first landed on the moon? He said, ‘One small step for man,’ I would’ve just said ‘Oh my Godric, I’m on the moon!”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Alright, not another word!”

 **Sirius:** “Word.”

 **DADA Professor:** “That’s it Black, you just bought yourself another Saturday detention!”

 **Sirius:** “Did I get a good deal on it?”

 **DADA Professor:** “You just bought yourself another one!”

 **Peter:** **_*squeaks*_ **

**Sirius:** “OK look, I’m sorry, I apologize.”

 **DADA Professor:** “That’s 3! 3 Saturdays!”

 **Remus:** “But he was apologizing.”

 **DADA Professor:** “OK Lupin, now you got one!”

 **Remus:** “Why?”

 **DADA Professor:** “Boom, another one!”

 **Remus:** “I don’t want another one!”

 **DADA Professor:** “That’s 3, you wanna try for four?!”

 **Remus:** “I really don’t!”

 **DADA Professor:** “That’s 4, you want 5?!”

 **Sirius:** “Yes!”

 **DADA Professor:** “OK, Lupin, you just got 5!”

 **Remus:** **_*whispers*_ **“What?”

 **Peter:** “Remus!” **_*mouths: stop*_ **

**Remus:** “Stop what?! Sirius said yes!”

 **James:** “I guess he’s scared to give one to Peter.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** **_*turns to Peter*_** “Oh yeah? I got one for you too fudge sack! Anybody else?!”

 **Everyone:** “...”

 **DADA Professor:** “Huh?! Anybody? You mess with the cow, you get the udders.”

 **Everyone:** “...” 

**Mr. Crawford: *leaves room***

**Remus:** “FORGET YOU!”

**_One Hour Later..._ **

**Marlene:** **_*making paper snowflakes*_ **

**James:** **_*taking nose drops for his allergies*_ **

**Remus and Mary:** **_*flossing teeth*_ **

**Sirius:** **_*drawing someone on the moon*_ **

**Lily:** **_*making a balloon animal on a tropical tree*_ **

**Dorcas:** **_*doing weird stuff with her mouth*_ **

**Peter:** **_*puts glitter in his hair and then taps the glitter off his head because Sirius dared him to*_ **

**_Some More Hours Later..._ **

**Sirius:** **_*ripping paper out of a notebook and throwing it on the floor*_ **

**James:** **_*tossing a card in the air and catching it*_ **

**Lily and Remus:** **_*doing homework*_ **

**Peter:** **_*playing with string*_ **

**Marlene and Mary:** **_*sharpening pencils*_ **

**Dorcas:** **_*stretching*_ **

**James:** “You know what I could go for right now?”

 **Sirius:** “Tacos?”

 **James:** “How’d you know?”

 **Sirius:** “I felt you Prongs.”

 **Lily:** **_*sigh*_ ** “Tacos do sound really good right now.”

 **Dorcas:** “I’m down for tacos.”

 **Peter:** “Yeah, I love tacos.”

 **Sirius:** “Look who’s being _real_ quiet.”

 **Mary:** “I’m just not that hungry right now.”

 **Sirius:** “Yeah, why don’t you tell everyone the truth?”

 **Mary:** “Leave me alone.”

 **Remus:** “What’s going here?”

 **Sirius:** **_*gets off of Moony’s lap and walks over to Mary*_ ** “Our _pristine_ little friend Mary… has never had a taco.”

 **Mary:** “I’m not that pristine… wait what does pristine mean?”

 **Sirius:** **_*leans down over Mary*_ **“Are you, a vegan?”

 **Mary:** “...”

 **Remus:** “Knock it off guys.”

 **James:** “What’s a vegan?”

 **Lily:** “It’s a person who doesn’t eat meat.”

 **Marlene:** “I love meat.”

 **Lily:** “Shhhh!”

 **Marlene:** “Don’t shush me.”

 **Sirius:** “Cmon Mary. Tell us. Have you ever had a crispy corn shell, filled with meat? Lettuce? Shredded cheese?”

 **Mary:** “...”

 **Lily:** **_*goes over to him*_ **“Hey!”

 **Sirius:** **_*turns to look at her*_ **

**Lily:** “Leave her alone.”

 **Sirius:** “What’re you gonna do if I don’t?”

 **Lily:** “Well I might just go to the Transfiguration classroom. To McGonagall. And tell her you used a pen instead of a quill on your essay even though she told you not to.”

 **Sirius:** “Oh really?”

 **Lily:** “Two thoughts. One, to think about it. And one to confirm that I _really_ wanna do it.”

 **James:** “Hey c'mon guys, how’re we gonna get some tacos?”

 **Lily:** “I could mirror Alice. Ask her to pick some up and leave them at the library.”

 **Marlene:** **_*fake crying*_ **“You’re so conceited Lily. You’re so conceited.”

 **Lily:** “What?”

**_An Hour Later at the Library…_ **

**Alice:** **_*leaves them under a desk at the library*_ **

**Madam Pince:** **_*walks by*_ **

**Alice:** **_*hides tacos with bag and tries to look casual*_ **

**Madam Pince:** **_*leaves*_ **

**Alice:** **_*contacts Lily, tells her the tacos are ready, and leaves*_ **

**Marauders and the girls:** **_*take a secret passage to the library*_ **

**Lily:** **_*gets the tacos out and holds it up*_ **

**Everyone:** **_*smug smiling*_ **

**Peter:** “Tacos. The girl has tacos.”

**_Everyone but Peter and Mary: *starts to walk away*_ **

**Peter:** “Do you approve of this?”

 **Mary:** “...”

 **Peter:** **_*sighs and follows*_ **

**Mary:** **_*follows Peter*_ **

**Everyone:** **_*walking*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** **_*In the library looking at a poster with his back turned*_ **

**Everyone:** **_*runs around a corner but Sirius takes a second to laugh before following*_ **

**_*About to get out of the library but they see Snape, though he has his back turned*_ **

**Everyone:** **_*runs just before he’s about to turn around*_ **

**_*Make it out into the corridor but Filch is there*_ **

**Everyone:** **_*runs*_ **

**_*They find Mrs. Norris in another one*_ **

**Everyone:** **_*runs*_ **

**_*They finally make it out into a corridor but Peeves threw water all over the floor*_ **

**Dorcas:** “Woah, woah, woah, woah!”

 **Everyone:** **_*stops running*_ **

**Dorcas:** “The floor’s wet.”

 **Mary:** “We can’t run across that, it’s too dangerous.”

 **Marlene:** “Way to go Lily. You just had to have your taco!”

 **Remus:** “We’re dead.”

 **James:** **_*has a brilliant idea*_ ** “No. Just me.” **_*grabs taco bag out of Lily’s hands and shoves it down Padfoots pants*_ **“You guys get back to the classroom.”

 **Lily:** “What about you?”

 **James:** “I’m gonna get Filch’s attention.”

 **Lily:** “How?”

 **James:** **_*starts running in the opposite direction away from the group*_ **“hOgWaRtS, hOgWaRtS, hOgGy WaRtY HogWaRtS!”

 **Everyone:** “...” **_*starts walking back*_ **

**_Some time later…_ **

**James:** “sO tEaCh Us ThInGs WoRtH kNoWiNg-” **_*bumps into Mr. Crawford*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** “Oh-ho-ho. I’m gonna teach you something. I’m gonna teach you something real good!”

 **James:** “Listen-”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Aaaaaa, you’re in big trouble Potter!”

 **James:** “For what?”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “For leaving the classroom you idiot!”

 **James:** “...”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “And singing off key!”

 **James:** **_*opens mouth to argue*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** “Come on!” **_*grabs arm and drags him away*_ **

**James:** “I was running and singing at the same time, that’s- that’s really hard!”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Oh, SHUT UP!”

**_A few moments later…_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** **_*brings him into a janitor's closet*_ **“That’s the last time Potter. That’s the last time you run around these corridors singing the school song!”

 **James:** “I’m sorry.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “You watch that mouth!”

 **James:** “What did I say?”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “You know who you’re gonna be five years from now?”

 **James:** “...”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “You’re gonna be a biiiig popstar.”

 **James:** “That, sounds pretty cool.”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Okay, Mr. Popstar,” **_*rolls up sleeve to reveal disgusting pimple*_** “see if you can pop this.”

 **James:** “Is that an arm pimple?”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “That’s right. Well go aheaaad popstar! Pop it! Pop my arm pimple!”

 **James:** **_*disgusted*_ **“Ew…”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “I dare you. Pop it!”

 **James:** “No!”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Come on!”

 **James:** “You do it!”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Get on it!”

 **James:** “No there’s goo in it-”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “Do it Potter!”

 **James:** “It’s disgusting, I don’t want to!”

 **Mr. Crawford:** “That’s what I thought.”

 **James:** “...”

**_*Mr. Crawford sees a fly and tries to kill it. James flinches.*_ **

**Mr. Crawford:** “Sorry, I was trying to kill that fly.”

**_*He tries 1 more time before he leaves the janitors closet, but locks James in there. Luckily, James knows the secret passageway out of there, and he takes it back to the classroom. He reaches the classroom and finds everyone has just gotten back as well and has just started to unwrap the tacos.*_ **

**James:** “What’d I miss?”

 **Sirius:** “Hey!”

 **Lily:** “James!”

 **Mary:** “Taco?”

 **James:** “Yeah.”

 **Mary:** **_*hands him a taco*_ **

**James:** “Ooo. Still warm.”

 **Remus:** “Well they were in Padfoots pants.”

 **Sirius:** **_*winks at Moony and the werewolf goes pink*_ **

**Dorcas:** “Can you not say that again?”

 **Sirius:** “Mary.”

 **Mary:** “...”

 **Sirius:** “You’re not eating your taco.”

 **Mary:** “Yeah, it’s cause I’m- I’m like- I’m too excited to eat it you know? Taco’s, yay!” **_*accidentally shakes taco and some filling falls out*_ **

**Sirius:** “Vegan.”

 **Mary:** “I am not.”

 **Sirius:** “Then eat your taco if you’re not a vegan.”

 **Remus:** “Why do you have to be so mean sometimes.”

 **Dorcas:** “I know, right?”

 **Sirius:** “I’m just honest.”

 **Marlene:** “Unlike some people here.” **_*gets off couch and walks over to Peter*_ **

**Sirius:** “What?”

 **Marlene:** “Why aren’t you eating your taco Peter?”

 **Peter:** “Oh, you know, I’m just, getting ready!”

 **Marlene:** **_*leans in very close to Peter*_**

**Dorcas’s taco: *c r o n c h***

**Marlene:** “Maybe, we have another vegan among us.”

 **Sirius:** **_*knowing he fucked up*_ **

**Peter:** “I’m not a vegan. I’ve had tacos lots of times.”

 **Marlene:** ** _*shrugs*_** “Hm, ever had a taco round here?”

 **Peter** “Shhhh!” **_*points to Lily*_ **

**Marlene:** “Oh, you _shared_ a taco with Lily.”

 **Lily:** “What’re you guys talking about?”

 **Peter:** “Nothing, nothing.”

 **Marlene:** “Well, Peter’s tryna tell me that, sometimes, you and he crunch the corn shell together.”

 **Peter:** “Uh, I didn’t say that.”

 **Marlene:** “Did you, or did you not, motion to Lily?”

 **Peter:** “Yeah but, only because I didn’t want Lily to know I’m a vegan, ok?”

 **Marlene:** **_*satisfied smile*_ **

**Mary:** “Hey Peter. I’ll try one if you will.”

**_*They try it... and they like it!*_ **

**James:** “Oh man. This tacos, got me pumped!”

 **Remus:** “I think he’s gonna run dance.”

 **Everyone:** **_*follows him*_ **

**James:** “WHOO!” **_*runs across room, takes off sweater, and throws it to the side and does a cartwheel*_ **

**Everyone else:** **_*cheering*_ **

**James:** **_*dances on a desk*_ **

**Everyone else:** **_*cheering*_ **

**James:** **_*jumps up and hits a banner on the wall*_ **

**Everyone else:** **_*more cheering*_ **

**James:** **_*starts dancing on another desk and takes off his first shirt so he still has a second one*_ **

**Everyone else:** **_*more cheering*_ **

**James:** **_*jumps off the desks and takes off his shirt so he only has a tank top*_ **

**Everyone (especially Lily):** **_*cheering*_ **

**James:** **_*runs around entire classroom again and dances*_ **

**Everyone else:** **_*cheering*_ **

**_A few minutes later…_ **

**Everyone:** **_*laughing at random shit*_ **

**Sirius (to Remus about Mary):** “Give her some hot sauce.”

 **Remus:** **_*gives her hot sauce*_ **

**Mary:** **_*tries a bit of hot sauce and erupts into a coughing fit*_ **

**Peter:** “I tell you, she, cannot hold, the hot sauce.”

 **Everyone:** **_*laughing*_ **

**_Several Hours Later…_ **

**Everyone:** "..."

 **James:** “Are we gonna be just like our parents?”

 **Everyone:** “...”

 **Marlene:** “When you get old… your butt just, saggs.”

 **Dorcas:** “And you can’t find your pants.”

 **Everyone:** “...”

 **Remus:** “Sometimes, I feel so much pressure. You know with my studies. My cousin JJ is always telling me ‘You gotta be the best, you gotta be #1! NUMBER 1! And I wanna tell him, ‘Hey man get off my shit, but he buys me stuff and, I don’t wanna blow my cash cow.”

 **Everyone:** “...”

 **Peter:** “I have a weird talent.”

 **Marlene:** **_*fake crying*_ **“You’re so conceited Peter. You’re so conceited.”

 **Everyone else:** **_*confused*_ **

**Mary:** “What’s your talent?”

 **Sirius:** “Yeah, let’s see it.”

 **Everyone else:** **_*agrees*_ **

**Peter:** “Okay, okay, I’ll show you. Can’t believe I’m doing this.” **_*takes off shoes and socks, grabs crossbow and arrow, and positions them on his feet*_ **

**Everyone else:** **_*confused*_ **

**Peter:** **_*shoots the arrow so it hits the bullseye directly*_ **

**Everyone but Sirius:** **_*genuine claps*_ **

**Sirius:** **_*clap*_ **“That… was amazing.”

 **Peter:** “...”

 **Sirius:** “You learnt that from your Daddy? Your Daddy know how to shoot a bow and arrow with his foot?”

 **Peter:** “...”

 **Remus:** “I’m sorry, did I miss something?”

 **Sirius:** “Go on. Shoot another arrow.”

 **Peter:** “Shut up.”

 **Sirius:** “Oh come on, show us what your Daddy taught you about foot archery.”

 **Peter:** “Shut up!”

 **Sirius:** “Cause my Dad can’t do anything with his feet!”

 **Peter:** “That is not, my fault!”

 **Lily:** “STOP IT! As teenagers, we are all under too much pressure!”

 **Everyone:** “...”

 **Sirius:** **_*starts laughing*_ **

**Everyone else:** **_*starts laughing*_ **

**_More than a little moments later…_ **

***Sirius has put on Queen and everyone is dancing***

**_After the dance party…_ **

**Sirius:** **_*curling Peter’s hair (the Muggle way)*_ **

**Sirius:** “Mhm, you’re gonna look a lot better without your straight hair.”

 **Peter:** “Hey, I like straight hair.”

 **Sirius:** “...”

 **Peter:** “So, why are you being so nice to me?”

 **Sirius:** **_*shrugs*_ **“Cause you’re letting me.”

 **Both of them:** **_*laughs*_ **

**Peter:** **_*tries to put his hands around Sirius’s waist*_ **

**Sirius:** ** _*moves his hands away*_** “Alright, no, nope.”

**_In a few moments time…_ **

**Peter:** **_*comes out with makeover*_ **

**_*Him and Mary flirt*_ **

**_Next…_ **

**_*They leave detention and see Mrs. Norris*_ **

**Marlene (to Mrs. Norris):** “See you next Saturday.”

**_*Remus and Lily go to the library, Sirius and James go to the Quidditch pitch, Marlene and Dorcas go to the dorms, and Mary and Peter go to talk (yes just talk you freaks.)*_ **

**_When Mr. Crawford returns…_ **

**_*There is a note that says: Dear Mr. Crawford,_ **

**_Goodbye from all of us. A badass gay (Sirius), a future Quidditch player (James), a bookworm (Remus), a shit student (Peter), a blonde lesbian (Marlene), a top (Dorcas), an ex-vegan (Mary), and a fiesty ginger (Lily)._ **

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_The Breakfast Brunch (even though we never had breakfast as a brunch)*_ **

fin.

Kudos and Comments are appreciated :)


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